Bout Recap- Jun 18, 2016

Just when we thought the excitement in the Shrine Temple had hit its peak, June’s games brought us to a whole new level.  Hungry for a spot at the Championship game, the Apocalypstix came in swinging and gave the Denim Demons one of their hardest hitting games to date.  Not to be outdone,  the Sake Tuyas came in with hopes of upsetting the Toxic Shocks’ undefeated streak and gave us a game that kept us holding our breath until the last jam.  Slams McKenzie recaps both bouts for those of you who missed these incredible games and for the rest of us who are happy to relive this exciting two hours of derby.


Game One of the ARG June double header featured reigning league champions, the Apocalypstix, battling against the Denim Demons. Tensions were high as this game determined seeding for this year’s championship game. The Stix had lost both of their prior games and needed a huge win to be in the running for the league title again. The Demons, who had a previous win against the Sakes, a team the Stix lost to earlier this season, seemed to be a sure bet for taking the game. It was the Stix however, who put the first points on the board. The Stix continued their momentum with large scoring runs and put an impressive 103-18 up within 15 minutes of the game. The Demons fought back in a big way, and in the remaining 15 minutes of the first half, they put close to 50 more points on the board, but it wasn’t enough to stop the momentum of the reigning champs, ending the half 188-63, Stix.

The Demons slowly started gaining momentum in the second half. They took advantage of several Stix penalties, but the Stix continued to fight back, using offensive strategy to take advantage of a few power jams in return. Ultimately, this year’s reigning champs were able to keep control of the game and ended the second half 261-155, Stix. It was exactly what they needed. The Stix will return to this year’s championship game to defend their title.

Final Score: Apocalypstix 261 to Denim Demons 155
Demons MVP Blocker: AmsterDAM
Demons MVP Jammer: Chokecherry
Stix MVP Blocker: Bam Grier
Stix MVP Jammer: Bea Right Back


Game Two of the ARG June double header featured the undefeated Toxic Shocks taking on the 1 – 1 Sake Tuyas. The outcome of this game was the last determining factor of which teams would go to champs. Although the Shocks put the first points on the board, the Sakes never let them gain control. The grueling defensive formations from both sides lead to three lead changes before the Sake’s pulled a lead of just 18 points before the first half ended 77-59.

The second half began with a couple small scoring runs for the Shocks, but the Sakes retaliated by throwing 37 more points on the board. In the middle of the second half, the Sakes were leading 114-77, but after a 15 point powerjam, the Shocks slowly started to gain control. For five jams, they kept the Sakes from gaining more than six points as they continued to put small scoring runs on the board. The game was tied 120-120 with just over two minutes remaining on the clock. The Shocks took the lead, but the Sakes were a mere two points behind when the game clock was timed out at less than 30 seconds remaining. When the game clock ended, the two teams were tied again. The game went into the extremely rare occasion of overtime.– In roller derby overtime, there is no “lead jammer,” which means no call-offs. There is also not an establishing pass that jammers must make in order to begin scoring points. They score points by passing the hips of an opponent as soon as the whistle blows.– The Shocks and Sakes traded passes until the Shocks finally pulled ahead by seven points for the win 152-145. The Shocks will be entering this year’s championship game undefeated.

Final Score: Toxic Shocks 152 to Sake Tuyas 145
Sakes MVP Blocker: Lady Skatepants
Sakes MVP Jammer: Merchant of Menace
Shocks MVP Blocker: Baller Shot Caller
Shocks MVP Jammer: Afro Dykee

Posted in Blog, Bout Recap | Leave a comment

Papa Crisis: Just Another Derby Dad

Today we’re posting a guest blog by Papa Crisis, father to one of the league’s most enthusiastic skaters as well as awesome jeerleader Human Missile Crisis.

ppc1I still remember when Nikita (who most of you know as “Human Missile Crisis”) started college at UGA. My brothers and I grew up being huge Dawgs fans, so when Crisis chose Georgia to go to school (and she could’ve gone just about anywhere she wanted), we were all hugely excited. Many of you may not know this but Crisis played women’s rugby for four years in high school. (I bartended years ago at a bar that had a rugby team and after seeing The sport, I decided you had to be crazy to play rugby.) UGA has a great women’s rugby program, so the expectation was that my brothers and I could all go to Athens and see Nikita in a UGA uniform and be super proud. (Ultimately we all did go to attend to see Nikita in a uniform we just weren’t originally expecting it to be green and black, but we were super proud nonetheless.) After dropping her off at the freshman dorm, a couple of weeks later she came home for her first visit and I remember her starting this conversation with the word “Papa,” (which I had learned over the years was code for “get your checkbook out.”) And she wanted a pair of roller skates. So I said, “What, are you not going to play rugby?” And her response–I’ll never forget–was, “No I found something I like WAYYYYYY better.”

So Crisis had found CCRG in Athens and she tried out and made the team. Since then I don’t think I have ever regretted that she didn’t play rugby. As a murder baby she broke her collarbone (which I believe Ozzy Kamazkazi had something to do with), just as she was clearing all of the check off items to pass level three assessments. I was a little concerned at that point in her chosen hobby, which of course I later learned was not just a hobby but a way of life. She and I had some frank discussion at that point that I thought maybe she should quit derby and concentrate on school. But you know, at that time she was carrying over a 3.9 GPA and despite the fact I told her she didn’t need to get a job–that I would give her an allowance while she was in school, she had gotten a part-time job anyway to cover her Derby expenses. Now that I’ve learned what a phenomenal impact the derby community can make on a young woman’s life, I’m really glad that she healed up and went back to derby.

ppc2Crisis went on to become bout ready and I remember driving to Rome to see her in her first bout, and when I got there she had a classic city shirt for me with “Papa of Crisis” on the back, which resulted in several years of people I didn’t even know walking up to me and saying “Are you Crisis’s dad?”

So I became a huge fan of CCRG. I still think one of my  favorite derby memories was back in July 2013, there was a little over 2 minutes left and CCRG was losing to Dub city 125 to 151. Crisis went on a tear with a 25 point jam to bring CCRG with in 1 point of Dub city. CCRG ended up losing an extremely close bout 154 to 156, but I will never forget standing in the Classic Arena with a sold out crowd of about 700 people chanting “Crisis, Crisis”. That was when I got used to waiting 20 or 30 minutes after a bout was over to speak to my own daughter. But as she became a favorite with the young Athens fans, it was worth it, along with that trademark huge grin that she developed as she skated out into turn 3 after breaking out of the pack. Soon had her dad sporting her trademark lightning bolt to bouts.

ppc4I became a regular at all the CCRG bouts and before long, way more people knew me as “Papa Crisis” than actually knew me by my real name. Somewhere along the line, my Brother and I were sitting in turn 3 watching a bout with our other brother Tuch, when Tuch looked over and said “We should dress up like the Blues Brothers and come to a bout.”

We all started laughing, and I said “We could call ourselves the Bruise Brothers.” We all went out the next week hunting for matching fedoras and that is how the “Papa Crisis Suit” was born.

ppc12So eventually Crisis graduated from UGA and moved back to Atlanta, transferring to the Atlanta Rollergirls. I remember telling her that she would always be my favorite skater, and that I was sorry, but CCRG would always be my favorite derby team. I continued watching Crisis skate whenever she was rostered, but continued  also sporting the Papa Crisis Suit and showing up at the CCRG bouts. I started NSOing and even had the incredible privilege to be asked to bench coach the Green team  in CCRG’s annual Green and Black bout.

Here’s a bit of non-derby trivia about Papa Crisis here that will perhaps make some of the next items easier to understand:

ppc5During all this derby stuff I managed to attend Kennesaw State where I finally graduated with dual masters degrees. While attending some people at work, half-way gassed me up, halfway dared me and I ended up playing Collegian Club level football for KSU. Yes, I was the 52 year old man in full football pads on the field with the 20 year olds. Look, let’s be honest, I was the worst player on the team. My original objective had just been to try out and it not be a joke.

And when they gave me my pads and I went through the process to get ready to play, getting checked out by the team trainer, taking the concession test (so if I got one there would be a baseline of how smart I use to be) there were a lot of strange looks. But then I went to my first practice, checked in with the coach, and spent 2 hours giving it everything I had. They had me play defensive end and then ran the ball at me (LOL). At the end of practice, the coach called me over and said “I’m going to be honest, when you walked on the field I didn’t think there was any F*&%ng Way, but you should keep those pads and come back tomorrow.” I never missed a practice after that for 2 years. I was happy just going to train, but they dressed me out for games and I usually got a few snaps every game.

I added that bit of information in for a couple of reasons. First off, when I finally graduated and football was over, Crisis and her Mom both looked at me and asked “Well, what are you going to do now?”

As I have always been one to overextend myself and be involved in lots of interesting things, I thought eventually I might like to Coach Derby.

ppc9After thinking about it, I felt like to be a good derby coach you have to do two things: you have to be able to skate and you have to know the rules just as well as the Refs know them. This discussion with Crisis immediately ended up with her going on one of her extremely animated rants (which I am sure any of you who have skated with her are familiar with) that centered around me learning to skate. That is how I met Wild Cherri and Skully and ended up at Powerhouse skates. The next thing I knew, I was the proud new owner of a pair of Antik Spyders and everything I needed to show up at a CCRG bootcamp for new skaters. Having already been an official derby daddy at CCRG, even after Crisis had moved to a new team, I got so much encouragement from all the ladies at CCRG. I think anyone who had ever thought of how cool it might be if their dad skated seemed to take a personal interest in pushing me as hard as they could. And I had passed level 1 assessments in no time.

Katillac Coupe DeVill, Coach Hogan, Inspector, AmityVille, Killabrew, and many of the refs, and all the May Murder babies (M&Ms we know who we are), were so encouraging and helped me so much. I became a religious attendee of the Saturday morning new skater practice in Athens, as well as skating a few times a week on my own.

ppc10I would get up many morning at 6. We are lucky enough to have a place to skate at our local Y and some morning Crisis would get up and go with me (at which point she would be an absolute slave driver–totally oblivious to the fact I am 33 years older than her). But it was fun and she was so excited about posting pictures, videos and updates on my progress, and to this day I still meet people I don’t know who say they know me and have been following Crisis’ posts about me on Facebook

One of the drawbacks to playing even the absolutely lowest level of college football at 52 is that a very excitable daughter will immediately draw the correlation that there is no excuse why you shouldn’t be able to play derby at 55. As I got better on my skates, I was constantly reminded that I could skate with the men at ARMD. I meet Pittsy, Sakemon and Gooch at a CCRG bout. I thought they were totally awesome guys and the next thing I knew I was regular at ARMD practice and they were calling me one of their “dirt birds”. Since I have started skating with them, I have received so much help from great men skaters like Jazzy, Hung, Gooch, Trash; and many of the ladies of ARG who help coach the men, like The Ruffian, Surfer Rosa, Nora Gretz.

ppc11CCRG and Atlanta aren’t the only leagues that have welcomed Crisis’s dad and helped him on his skating journey, though. Sakemon took me to a Thursday night open practice with the Marietta Derby Darlins,’ and I have become a regular there, as well. Coach Jim is usually there and he helped me tremendously. Crisis, I’m sure, has been telling everyone that because I played football a few years ago that I’m going to bout eventually.  So I think a lot of the work the men have done with me is because, in addition to being Crisis’s Dad, and they want me to bout in Purple. But the Marietta girls have surprised me with how welcoming and encouraging they are and how quickly they identified me as a Derby Dad and made me feel at home skating with them.

So where does Papa Crisis go from here? Well, just a few weeks ago I skated 27 laps in 5 minutes at the Marietta assessments, and for Father’s Day I’m getting a new pair of custom Antik skates from Power House, (in purple, gold and Black leather). I am hoping to pass level 2 assessments with CCRG and register my name and number as Papa Crisis (#1961) before the end of summer. Maybe I will become good enough to wear purple in a bout someday–I know I won’t give up trying. I just hope it can be in Athens, that Crisis will be my personal mascot, that Willie T will announce, and that all of the roller girls that have helped me to learn to skate derby will show up and be proud of themselves for being part of the wonderful community that is women’s flat track derby!

ppc7So if you’re a Derby dad, my coaching to you is that if your daughter is involved in derby, odds are great that it is a large part of her life (there doesn’t seem to be an in-between with derby). So share that with her, get some skates and go to a boot camp, talk to some of the men at AMRD. You don’t have to skate to get involved in someway, volunteer or learn to NSO, or meet some of the people that are a big part of her life. I’m willing to bet that you’ll find out, just like I did, what a great community derby is and you’ll make a bunch of new friends.

Papa C

(special thanks to Matt Hardy Photography and O-Jen Ishii Photography, for several of the photos in this blog)

Papa’s list of favorites:

Crisiswill always be my favorite skater LOL
Super SmashFromy second most favorite skater
Kat – in my opinion, the best derby wife a skater could have
Elizabeth Impalerthe skater I look up to the most, and most enjoy watching (she is just Fearless and pound-for-pound one of the best blockers I have ever seen)
Leche Gagathe most AWESOME and bravest, skater/person I know.
Ida Backoff the skater that inspires me the most, and that I am happiest my daughter skates with
Gail SkateAnn & Sara Bellumfellow M&Ms and two of my favorite people to see at practice.
Turbo Royalethe Skater that most reminds me of my daughter, same big smile in turn 3 when she breaks out of the pack in the lead, and same intensity.
Wild Cherriabsolutely the best skater I have ever seen in a bout, such an all around great person, and gives the best advice.
Ruffiantakes the least amount of crap on or off the track, and therefore makes a great coach
Jazzythe one skater that doesn’t even realize how great he is at teaching
Trogmy favorite Head NSO, super patient, willing to teach you new things. Just don’t let her catch you hugging your favorite skater while you’re in a pink shirt!
Pity, Sake, Gooch, Trash & Shotzfive guys that make me proud there is Men’s derby, and that I want to high five in front of a crowd

Posted in Blog | Leave a comment

Sponsor Highlight- Monster Muffin

The game of roller derby has come quite a ways since the days of bout-fits.  We definitely don’t want to discredit the skaters who founded us on fishnets, tutus and knee-socks (or any of them still rocking the fashion these days), but there’s definitely something to be said about the intimidation factor that comes with a team of focused AND uniformed athletes.  This month, we talk with uniform sponsor Monster Muffin about her business, her derby resume and some of the things she does in her free time.


Monster Muffin1)       Who are you?

I’m Monster Muffin! Both as a skater and a business. I reside in the great white North just above Toronto and skate with the Toronto Roller Derby league on the Chicks Ahoy! home team and on the All Star team and in my free time (who has that really?) I skate with Team Ontario. Monster Muffin as a business is a collection of super talented, hard working and mostly derby skaters that make athletic clothing primarily for the sport of……you guessed it! Roller Derby!

2)       Tell us a little about yourself!

Well I kind of rambled on in question #1 but I can always add more. I play roller derby and make roller derby apparel so I’ve got to be some sort of bad ass crazy girl. My number one goal is to have fun both at work and at play. I love cats and listening to records while drinking wine curled up on the sofa with that one special person. I’m that girl you think is cool until you get to know and realize “oh man this girls a nerd!” Bantering playfully with my teammates with sarcasm and boob punches are the best. I may be telling you too much now, let’s move on to question 3 shall we?!

3)       How did you find out about ARG?

Actually, you guys found me! I had recently turned my clothing line’s direction towards roller derby and the Denim Demons found out about me and asked us to make them these super crazy sublimated, metallic vinyl and plastisol jerseys. They were pretty sick.

4)       If you had a derby name and/or a signature move, what would it be?

So I tried to come up with a different name but by the time I choose one everyone was already calling me Monster Muffin. Nowadays I mostly get Muffin or Muffy. As for a signature move hmmm that’s hard. I’ve been working a lot on coming in fast and hard all low like a super star and then twisting my shoulder at the last second and popping the blocker in the kidney. I’m sure there’s a shorter name for that but I don’t it. Maybe I’ll just name it The Muffin Extraordinaire although I totally didn’t invent it.

5)       What should fans know about you for the 2016 season?

Beware; I’ve been hitting the gym pretty hard for the past year muhahahaha.


Catch all of the Atlanta home teams’ fantastic uniforms next weekend at the Yaarab Shrine Temple as the Denim Demons take on the Apocalypstix and the Sake Tuyas play the Toxic Shocks.  TICKETS AVAILABLE HERE.

Posted in Blog, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Bout Recap- May 21, 2016

If you weren’t able to be at the temple last month, you missed back-to-back wins for Atlanta.  With new faces gracing both teams and some fancy new strategies being worked, Atlanta skaters on both the B team and A team put on a fantastic show of athleticism.  Slams McKenzie gives us a fantastic recap of the Rumble Bs taking on the Columbia Miss B-Havers and the Dirty South Derby Girls taking on the all-stars of Charm City.

Atlanta Rumble B’s vs. Columbia Miss B-Havers

2016_3_19 Bs v Team Tennessee-77

The beginning of the ARG May Double Header started with a bang. Human Missile Crisis slammed a large 9 points on the board, followed by another 9 from her teammate, Hate Ashbury. Columbia had some penalty trouble in the beginning which resulted in a few power-jams for Atlanta, and in 10 minutes the score shot up 50-18, Atlanta lead. Columbia gained their footing, putting points on the board here and there, but Atlanta continued to gain long scoring runs which ended the first half 138-56 Atlanta lead.

The Second half followed suit. Columbia started to put more points on the board, but Atlanta maintained their momentum, gaining 10+ points in back-to-back jams. The game ended with the Atlanta Rumble B’s victorious, 266-125.

Rumble Bs MVP Jammer: Nora Gretz
Rumble Bs MVP Blocker: LuxFurious
Miss B-Havers MVP Jammer: Carrino
Miss B-Havers MVP Blocker: Poison Violet


Atlanta Dirty South Derby Girls vs. Baltimore Charm City Rollers


Photo by Tim Stoklas

In the first five minutes of the second game in the ARG May Double Header, Atlanta gained momentum, resulting in a 19-3 Atlanta lead score. Atlanta continued to pull ahead, utilizing a rotating defensive formation and offense for the occasional power-jam. Baltimore kept the game relatively close. Their hard-hitting defense posed difficulty for the Atlanta jammers, but ultimately the half ended 100 – 71 Atlanta lead.

The second half continued in Atlanta’s favor. Baltimore continued to play a hard-hitting, defensive game, but Atlanta’s offense and stamina continued to do damage as multiple penalties were called against both teams. The Atlanta Dirty South Derby Girls won over the Baltimore Charm City All-Stars 221 – 130.

DSDG MVP Jammer: Trouble MakeHer
DSDG MVP Blocker: Queen Loseyateefa
CCRG MVP Jammer: Dottie Deathwish
CCRG MVP Blocker: Raven Darkhold

Posted in Blog, Bout Recap | Leave a comment

From Rec League to Rollergirl

Ever wonder about the humble beginnings of an Atlanta Rollergirl?  Perhaps you hear the derby siren call that draws you to the track but you aren’t quite ready for that hip check.  You could have that pep in your step to add a pair of skates to those feet but have no idea how to skate.  Whatever the reason, Atlanta has a place just for you!  Our Atlanta Rec League!  Whether you want to compete, learn how to skate or are just looking for something different to do our Rec League offers a fun learning environment for you!  Check out what some of our skaters have to say about their experience with the Atlanta Rec League!


Name: Bea Right Back

Home Team: Apocalypstix

IL: Jukes of Hazzard

How long have you been skating?

Rec League March 2014 to August 2015 – Drafted December 2015

What was your favorite thing about the Rec league?

Rec League was fun at all levels.  It allows everyone to challenge themselves at their own rate and find their place if that means staying in Rec League or trying out for the Fresh Meat. It is a safe environment full of encouragement which allowed me to thrive.

Who was your favorite coach?

My favorite coach was Maul E. Cule.  She had a way of explaining and demonstrating skills so that they made sense to me which helped put all the puzzle pieces together so that I could apply skills to a scrimmage type scenario.  She was always able to push me to the next level with my skills even when I didn’t think it was possible.  She is the voice in my head now telling me to hit harder or get up and do it again faster this time.

What made you decide to try out?

I wanted to try out from the time I started Rec League.  I didn’t have the confidence for the longest time.  I also felt that I didn’t have the time to commit to be a good team mate until my oldest child was out of High School and my youngest was driving herself around.  Boom – mommy has free time!  The timing was perfect.  I had enough practice in Rec to develop skills and become more confident as well.


Name: Paige Notfound
Home Team: SHOX
IL: Jukes of Hazzard
How long have you been skating?

This is my second season with ARG. I was in rec league for ~6 months before I became fresh meat.
What was your favorite thing about the Rec league?

They taught me how to skate in a low-pressure environment. I was so awful when I started- I remember that at one point during a recruitment workshop right before I started rec league, Queen had to take me aside and hold me up so that I could try to pick up my feet and do crossovers. But practice makes perfect, and having someone to teach you is invaluable.
Who was your favorite coach?

I was thankful for all my coaches! Everyone has a different way of doing various skills, and having lots of different perspectives lets you figure out what works for you.
What made you decide to try out?

I was originally going to wait an entire additional year so I could improve my skills, but Ida pushed me to try out when she saw my plow stop. I didn’t think I would even pass tryouts, but I did, and then I got drafted!
What advice do you have for anyone thinking about joining Rec?

Doooooo it! No time like the present!


Name: Luna Critz
Home Team: Denim Demons
IL: Rumble Bs
How long have you been skating?

This is my 3rd season as an Atlanta Rollergirl, but I started in the very first Rec League session back in, I think, 2012. I also used to skate at the roller rink as a kid.
What was your favorite thing about the Rec league?

Learning derby skills from actual Rollergirls. Some of my very first trainers were ARG OGs like Tanya Hyde and Demi Gore. You go to bouts and see these ladies do amazing things on the track; then you come to practice and they teach you those things.
What made you decide to try out?

I came into Rec League with the intentions of trying out for Fresh Meat. When I didn’t pass my first go round, I went back into Rec League to continue developing my skills.
What advice do you have for anyone thinking about joining Rec?

Go for it! How many other opportunities will you have to be active, have fun, and have interesting stories for family get-togethers? Plus, I’ve found it to be a great stress reliever, mainly because it gives me something else to concentrate on. I’m not worrying about work or life stuff; it’s just me, eight wheels and what’s happening on the track.

In addition, I want to thank all of the Rollergirls who put in the hard work to create Atlanta Rollergirls Rec League and who continue to make it an awesome program. Without Rec League, I don’t know if I could have made it through Fresh Meat and on to be the Rollergirl I am today.


Julyn Farrington


Current Atlanta Rec League Member

How long have you been skating?

3 years

What was your favorite thing about the Rec league?

The camaraderie.  The Rec League ladies are some of my best friends!

Who was your favorite coach?

So many to choose from … we love Lux and Dam and Maul and Kill and !!!

What made you decide to Rec League?

I was looking for something interesting to do for exercise … and I found an amazing new world with incredible people!

What advice do you have for anyone thinking about joining Rec?

Just try it.  You’ll be hooked!!


Hannah Cowart

Current Atlanta Rec Member

How long have you been skating?
I’m guessing my hot pink skates from the 90’s don’t count!  I started skating with the Rec League on January 3, 2016.

What was your favorite thing about the Rec league?
The way ARG has organized the Rec & Training program–I think all of us in Rec realize how lucky we are to have top notch trainers and a structured program to work through.  A huge thanks to ARG for all the effort that goes into it!

I also LOVE the Rec peeps, especially the ones that wear good smelling perfume–after a gross, sweaty practice it’s great when enough of it rubs off on me to cover up my funk.  Even if we don’t all smell good, we have a great time at practice. We spend a lot of time exchanging “You want us to do WHAT?!” looks, falling, laughing and making ever so slight improvements each week.

Who was your favorite coach?
I love every trainer we have had because they have mad skate skills and each approach/explain the sport differently. There’s a special place in my heart though for Olive, because she’s Evil, and Brick, because she laughs at my jokes sometimes.  Maybe it was just that once.

What made you decide to Rec League?
A good friend married a former roller derby player and their wedding was full of derby folks. They helped me understand the sport and I decided to give it a shot.  I played rugby in college and was looking for another team sport that’s full of tough love. Found it!

What advice do you have for anyone thinking about joining Rec?
Stop thinking, just do it!!  Once you get here–be ready to learn, ready to work hard, ready to bust your tail and ready to get back up. The bruises on your rear will eventually go away.  Ask for advice, but be sure to use it.  If you need a pep talk, ask for that too. Practice everything you learn every week. Don’t be surprised if some days you completely forget how to skate–it will come back to you. Find someone faster than you on Tuesdays and try to catch them during every drill.  Realize everyone is in spandex and embrace it.  Most importantly–smile and spread the love any chance you get.

Posted in Blog | Leave a comment

Sponsor Highlight- Tryst Hair Salon


Welcome to the May installment of our Sponsor Highlight; this week we’re focusing on a sponsor who reminds us that just because we spend many hours a week shoving our heads into sweaty helmets, doesn’t mean we can’t have fabulous hair for the remaining time!  Meet Laura Stalemark, ARG Sponsor and owner of TRYST Salon, better known to us as Minnie VanDryver of the Toxic Shocks!

“My name is Laura Stalemark and I am the owner of TRYST Hair Salon & Boutique where I am also a stylist.  I found out about ARG about 6 years ago when I was looking for something new and exciting to do with friends in Atlanta. I am now  a Rollergirl with ARG (Minnie VanDryver #74 with the Toxic Shocks) .

Photo by Tmox (c) 2016

I originally thought I wanted to be “Ivana Cutcha” since I cut hair.  When I thought more about it, “cutting” (especially the track in derby) is NOT a good thing.  Minnie VanDryver works great for me because no one EVER suspects the Minnie Van!

My signature move that I am currently perfecting is called the ‘carpool lane’.  It is very top secret right now…..I can however say it involves hitting someone’s blind spot…… Fans should know that supporting local businesses and sports teams is very important to me.  It allows individuals to continue to do what they love!”


Minnie and fellow Toxic Shocks skater Axtual Malice holding back Demons’ jammer Chokecherry.  Photo by Tom Spalding.


Hopefully you can catch Minnie flaunting her fabulous hair (and her wonderful Super Fun Prize promotion!) at this month’s home bout, but if not, be sure to watch as the Toxic Shocks take on the Sake Tuyas on June 18th and see not only Minnie, but the rest of the amazing sponsor advertisements as well!

Posted in Blog | Leave a comment

Brains and Brawn Part III

Atlanta Rollergirls are so smart and so strong that there was no way we could introduce them all in only one or even two articles!  Read on to see who’s brains are as stacked as their muscles.

LuxFurious (Pictured MVP Blocker Second from Right)


I am an Associate Adjudicator for Georgia Vocational Rehabilitation Agency. I review claims for disability in accordance with Social Security Administration (SSA) requirements. This includes requesting and analyzing medical, vocational, and school-related documents.

My favorite workout is spinning.

Axtual Malice


I’m an attorney, but I work in a fairly niche area, and I’m not your typical lawyer.  Specifically, I practice education law with a sub-specialty in charter school law.  Instead of a courtroom, you’re far more likely to find me in a classroom!  I got into education law from my work with the Public Defender’s office while in law school.  I would frequently encounter clients that could not read and struggled to write their own names.  I couldn’t fathom how the education system had failed these people so badly, but I believe that all children have a right to a quality education, regardless of their neighborhood or socioeconomic status.  So, not to be cliche, I spend my days trying to make a difference.  I’m the Associate General Counsel and Petitions Manager for the State Charter Schools Commission of Georgia (SCSC).  We are one of two state-level charter school authorizers in the state, essentially meaning we approve (and sometimes deny) schools to operate.  Prior to joining the SCSC staff, I served as Attorney and Program Manager for the Georgia Department of Education Charter Schools Division where I provided legal and program support to the Department and State Board of Education (the other state-level authorizer) for more than four years.  I love my job because I get to do a little something different each day and the agency I work for is fairly new (we’ve only been around about 3 years) so it’s always exciting. I feel incredibly fortunate to have a job that I’m truly passionate about! And my colleagues are super supportive of roller derby!

My favorite workout is one where I don’t get bored, which happens frequently.  I love playing soccer!

Walt Hitman


I teach high school language arts, but like all teachers, I wear many, many hats.  Recently, I earned my specialist degree in Instructional Technology, and I use that training to help my fellow teachers blend technology with the curriculum to promote student engagement and achievement.  In this endeavor, I have led professional development sessions at the school and county level.

To keep myself derby-fit, I workout at CrossFit Oconee.

Posted in Blog | Leave a comment

Brains and Brawn Part II

Now introducing our second round of Brains and Brawn!  The ladies of ARG are just so smart that we can’t fill the blog with all of them at once!  Without further ado, we introduce to you more skaters that use all their muscles.  Especially that big one between their ears!


Hurtie Gertie


The Merchant of Menace, Amelia Scareheart, Cobra Camanda, and I are medical editors for a medical communications company that specializes in oncology/hematology. Menace, Cobra, and I are Board Certified Editors in the Life Sciences and Amelia is sitting for the certification exam this year. Menace, Amelia, and I work for the medical education branch of the company…our programs educate community oncologists and hematologists all over the world on the new and upcoming treatments and treatment strategies for all types of cancer (both solid tumors and hematologic malignancies). Cobra works for the promotional side of our company, the side that helps inform the public on the new treatments and treatment strategies, as well as preparing the thought leaders in the field on how to accurately communicate the information about said treatments and treatment strategies. We are tasked with content editing, copy editing, and fact checking of medical communication/data presented in various media, such as PowerPoint slide presentations for our symposia and advisory boards held at major medical conferences, manuscripts that are submitted to peer-reviewed medical journal, medical monographs, and conference coverage newsletters. Additionally, Menace, Amelia, and I are tasked with helping Tanya Hyde, our Senior Web Developer, manage the content on our online education website. In the first three quarters of 2015, the live meeting projects that Amelia, Menace, and I worked on impacted a potential 289,089 patients (and this does not include all the online education we worked on, as well).

We do daily in-office work outs, which include planks, wall sits, sit ups, lunges, push ups, tricep dips, and various other core and leg strengthening exercises, topped off with attempts to do the worm at the end of the workout.

The Boss


I work in digital advertising sales- I started in sales after graduate school about 8 years ago ( I have my Masters in Communication & Rhetoric, but I did not need it for my job  ). My official title is Southeast Sales Director which means I am responsible for growing revenue and business development for the Southeast. I work in native advertising technology and my day-to-day life consists of working with major brands and their ad agencies to help develop strategic native advertising campaigns. I travel around the Southeast to brand headquarters and work with their ad agencies. A few of my clients are Lowes, Coca-Cola, Delta, Universal Orlando, Disney, Nissan, Mercedes, & At&T. Native advertising includes content that is sponsored or developed by a brand. Content can be in the form of quizzes, lists, long-form articles, infographics or videos.

Jean-Juke Picard


I’m a developer with a marketing technology company – my focus is on back-end development (wizards behind the curtain) with Sitecore for a variety of corporate sites with a lot of data interaction.  I bring that forward and manipulate it for the visitors.  I have a degree in CS (and Psychology).  I’ve been working in the field since 2003 (LAMP to .Net currently), and I’m the only female developer at my company.

Favourite workout – SKATING. Or weightlifting/plyo/footwork things.

Ida Backoff


I am a Licensed Professional Counselor working as a Clinical Manager at the Administrative Services Organization for the State of Georgia’s Department of Behavioral Health and Developmental Disabilities. The teams I lead ensure that individuals throughout the state of Georgia gain access to necessary behavioral health services. My role includes supervision of a large team, data analysis and reporting, and interfacing with community providers and state leaders. I easily work 50 hours a week in addition to derby and competitive powerlifting.

My favorite workouts involve “moving heavy s*#!”. I train with Team Rohr ( two nights per week, garage train two nights and one weekend day and run roughly three miles 3 days per week on my lunch break through the streets of Downtown Atlanta.

Posted in Blog | Leave a comment

Brains AND Brawn

Everyone knows the Atlanta Rollergirls are tough. There’s no doubt about that.  Now we will prove to you that not only are they tough, but they have the smarts to match!  In this first part series of “Brains and Brawn” we will introduce to you some of our very own ARG members that have what it takes to rock it in their professions as hardcore as they do on the track!  And, when they aren’t exercising their brains, they’re exercising their bodies, so they will also tell us what they do to stay derby strong.


Rosie Derivator



I’m a technical writer, so I write documentation and training for (primarily coal based) power plant systems.  My current project base has been flue gas (boiler outlet “smoke”) clean up, specifically the injection of activated carbon, hydrated lime and calcium bromide for the removal of gaseous mercury and acid gases before release into atmosphere.  I like to joke that I’m the translator between engineering garble and operator useful knowledge.  We train on major equipment information, operations and start up/shut down procedures.  Really, I spend alot of time sifting through a million procedures, typing behind a computer and stomping around plant sites. My favorite workouts are cardio-based and self-paced.  I love a leisurely 5K or an on skates lap and fall/stop drill.  I’ve somewhat recently started training with Tuff Love Coaching and am gaining a new appreciation for picking up heavy things, but I think it’ll be a while before I stop hating that enough for it to be a favorite




I am a scientist in applied technology for a perfumery.  Approximately, 50% of my job is helping our fragrance oil be formulated into customer bases, such as shower gels, hand soaps, lotions, candles, household cleaners, air fresheners and more. The other half consists of evaluating the market by nose and data analysis and recommending fragrances to customers based on trend analysis, market and application. My favorite workouts include anything that makes me forget I am working out such as mountain biking, hockey, and dancing.


Snarls Darwin


Originally from South Dakota, I obtained my degree in Environmental Physical Science with an emphasis in Geology, which is my most passionate subject. I’ve worked for natural resource management such as timber and hydrologic/soil studies with the National Forest Service. Next, I was pushed to pursue an occupation in the oilfield of North Dakota. I lived on the rig site where I performed work as a Field Geologist logging well data for new production wells. Oilfield work is a very male dominated field and I was always the only female on site. It was very interesting and I consider this to be one of my biggest accomplishments. After rig work, I entered the state government as a field inspector to enforce oil company compliance with state regulation. Next, I decided to take a giant leap into sustainable energy and worked for a company that researches how to convert waste biomass, such as sugar cane bagasse and corn stalks, into sugars to then be fermented into fuels like ethanol. I worked primarily in fermentation and performed most of my duties within a chemical laboratory. I decided to try looking into data technology and software. I will soon commence training in management for a company developing applications and artificial intelligence software. Additionally, I’ve considered continuing my education in the field of Computer Science.
My favorite workouts are also things that make me feel like I’m not working out. I enjoy Cycling, hiking, and swimming. If I had to choose my favorite typical workout it would be kettlebell strength training.


High Jinxx


I will be going to physical therapy school and will be Dr. Jinxxx in three years. I hope to work in a pediatric hospital and teach kids how to be kids again! My favorite workouts are cycling, lifting weights, and lifting a pizza slice to my mouth.

Quadratic Abrasion


HALLO! I love math, so technically speaking, that’s who I am. I have my PhD in theoretical mathematics. My dissertation was in computational real algebraic geometry, and I can describe my research to anyone who wants hear it… which is 0 people so far. I was a professor of mathematics at KSU for 4 years, and taught and did research in abstract algebra, graph theory, and voting theory. Now I work for a speech analytics software company as a tester, and am hoping to get into research or data science in the near future.

I love being outside, so really my favorite workout is hiking and mountaineering/climbing. Indoors, I love any cross-training type of workout that varies, and extol the virtues of all the time. Check out their 30 day challenges!

Posted in Blog, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Bout Recap- March 19

The Atlanta Travel Team season is in full swing as of last weekend, with the B team and All-stars both logging game number one in the books.  If you missed these games, you missed well timed hits, mind-boggling maneuvers and phenomenal team work.  If you were there and just want to relive the awesome few hours of last weekend, we’re here for you too!  Read on for the recap of the Rumble Bs taking on Team Tennessee and the Dirty South Derby Girls playing their rematch game against Jacksonville’s New Jax City Rollers.


The Rumble Bs took the track against the all-stars of Team Tennessee to start an amazing night of roller derby in Atlanta.  Tennessee drew first blood, running up an 18-4 lead before the Bs could take back control.  Switching team jammer penalties brought us to a tied game and it wasn’t until only 16 minutes remained in the first half that the Rumble Bs were able to take their first lead change.  The next few minutes proved to be intense as ties and lead changes dotted the second quarter.  A phenomenal last minute jam from High Jinxxx started to separate the two teams and the Bs left for halftime ahead, 107-59.
The two teams continued to battle it out for the first few minutes of the second half, before penalties and apex jumps started to turn the tide and close the gap for Team Tennessee.  There were several lead changes until the final four minutes when Atlanta finally pulled ahead, from being four points behind to five points in the lead. Atlanta continued to gain lead jammer and put points on the board for the final breathtaking minutes of the game, finishing at 210-168 Atlanta.

Final Score: Atlanta Rumble Bs 210- Team Tennessee 168
Atlanta Rumble Bs MVP Jammer-Human Missile Crisis
Atlanta Rumble Bs MVP Blocker- Sissy Splaysek
Team Tennessee MVP Jammer- Poptart
Team Tennessee MVP Blocker- Evilucia



The second game of the ARG March Double Header was full of hard hits and swift scoring runs. Jacksonville put the first points on the board and were able to maintain their lead with a steady consistency. A few Atlanta jammer penalties allowed Jacksonville’s fast moving and decisive offense to develop a comfortable lead against Atlanta’s defensive formations. Atlanta fought back with ferocity, gaining three and four points at a time, but were unable to gain the substantial scoring runs they needed to close the gap. Atlanta’s defense held Jacksonville’s jammer for a large point run for Atlanta near the end of the first half, but the half still ended at 42-119 Jacksonville.

The second half seemed to follow suit, Atlanta put up a tough game both defensively and offensively, but ultimately were unable to gain sufficient momentum, which limited their ability to play catch-up against the quick 4 and 5 points Jacksonville were putting on the board at a time. Jacksonville remained in control of the game, which ended 213-91 Jacksonville.

Final Score: Jacksonville’s New Jax City Rollers 213- Atlanta’s Dirty South Derby Girls 91
Atlanta’s Dirty South Derby Girls MVP Jammer- Trouble MakeHer
Atlanta’s Dirty South Derby Girls MVP Blocker- Wild Cherri
Jacksonville’s New Jax City Rollers MVP Jammer- Erin Jackson
Jacksonville’s New Jax City Rollers MVP Blocker- Noam Bombsky

Posted in Bout Recap, Uncategorized | Leave a comment